weekend recap!

The little scavenger hunt that I alluded to in the last post ended up being one of the most interesting/entertaining/ridiculous experiences that I've had in my college career. My awesome team ended up placing third (out of 22 registered teams!), and I have to say, I don't know if I'll ever participate in anything as simultaneously challenging and absolutely absurd.

Some of the things that I did:
-Gained employment at a car wash
-"Got freaky" on a mannequin in Macy's
-Researched where to buy a live chicken in my city, as well as contacted the local Humane Society so we could return it afterwards (my teammates carried this out, but I found the information)
-Rickrolled a dean
-Translated an entire chapter of Harry Potter into l33t (such a tragedy, actually, because I misread the task and we were only supposed to translate a paragraph)
-Went co-ed skinny dipping at six in the morning (fucking COLD)
-Slept only 40 minutes the entire 24 hour period and fasted the entire time (it was for points. Stupid, I know, but true)
-Got two people under the age of 18 to read one of the Vagina Monologues for the judges
-Got an 80 year old woman* to do the same

Some of the things my teammates did:
-Naked oil wrestled in front of a huge cheering crowd of people
-Used a dual douche/enema device
-Febreezed the entirety of one of the frats on campus
-Masturbated a la mysterious stranger (when you sit on your hands until they go numb and then masturbate) while crying to "Love Will Tear Us Apart" in the background AND FILMED IT FROM THE WAIST DOWN
-Railed garam masala (apparently this stuff BURNS) off an erect penis
-Gave a blowjob on the lawn of the college's president (as in not the student one, but the one that gets paid tons of money)
-Drank their own piss
-Suckled a cat
-Participated in an actual circle jerk (again, to the approving cheers of a shit ton of people)
-Came on some Tastykakes and then ate their own cum in front of the judges

While some of this stuff may sound horrible and demeaning, in the end, none of us felt like we did anything that we regretted (which is, I think, really important). Also, realize that I'm giving you the most ridiculous highlights (there were other, less shocking tasks, like offering to buy someone a "drank" T-pain style or calling your parents and telling them that you had gotten someone pregnant/were pregnant and sustaining the conversation for ten minutes). In the end, I think this is something I would never do again (obviously), but I am so incredibly happy that I did it once (and did it right!).

The funniest part is that this whole scavenger hunt is centered around 4/20, but no one on my team did a single drug and three of us didn't even get drunk in the entire 24 hour period of the event. When Sunday (the actual 4/20) rolled around, I was back in my favorite academic building, busily working away.

*This actually turned out to be a horrible idea. The woman that we found was pretty awful (though I guess somewhat hilarious if you could prevent yourself from being offended). When she asked me what I studied and I responded with "Sociology/Anthropology, Women's Studies, and English Literature," she asked me how I thought I was going to find a man who was willing to marry me. When I awkwardly tried to laugh and say it would be even harder because I'm going to grad school, she nodded wisely and told me that my marriageability was "going down" (my awesome teammate then tersely told her that "at least her hireability is going up").

Whilst reading the monologue (I had her do the "what my vagina would wear" because it was the least "obscene"), she commented "I suppose this is supposed to be funny," and then informed us that what her vagina would wear would be a penis "because that's what vaginas are made for." Upon seeing our shocked expressions (heterosexism! heterosexism!), she paused for another minute, and then said "Well, they're made for that and I suppose to be a birth canal."

The crowning moment came when we were leaving and she asked me where I was from "originally." When I said China, her response was, "Oh....so that's where you get that accent from." (Realize that I came to the United States when I was two years old, and I most assuredly do NOT have an accent whatsoever). I guess in some ways this woman was rather amusing (she told us that Jews brought civilization to most of the world and that she was quite upset that her son had married a Catholic), but in the end, I really question whether it was worth the whole ordeal just to get the points.