Came across an unexpected email in my inbox this morning from a person claiming to be an MA student in Pakistan with an interest in postcolonial literature. I have no idea how they got my personal email (or knew that I was into postcolonial lit), but I went with it and responded to their inquiries with a little novel about my particular academic interests (once you get me started babbling about that sort of thing, it's kind of hard to stop. Plus, what better way to spend my time when I'm bored at home than meeting a new friend?)
Has this sort of thing happened to anyone else before? I'm a huge fan of correspondences and a generally trusting person (I mean, they weren't selling me penis enhancements or overtly trying to get my bank account information!), but I don't want to be suckered into some scam that I'm not even aware of...I guess I do find it really strange that they knew my email and academic interests. To the best of my knowledge, I don't have any connections to anyone in Pakistan, nor do any of the profs that I've worked with on the undergraduate level.
The only thing is that my name and email are now on the website of my program. While I'd rather not reveal my specific school here, I will say that it's an Ivy, so maybe the person just decided to randomly email me based on an interest in my program? They did say they were interested in pursuing further graduate study in the US...But that still wouldn't explain how they know that I'm into postcolonial lit because that particular tidbit of information isn't available on the site. Furthermore, my intentions are to focus primarily on Asian American lit, so even if I did have a bio somewhere about my research interests, it wouldn't mention that...
Oh, the mysteries of the internet! I seem to be the queen of random communications (I've gotten quite a few messages out of the blue in my day), so perhaps I'll just chalk it up to my good fortune in this area. In any case, I'll keep you all updated (just as you should let me know if I'm being drawn into some scam!)
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
must.not.abandon.blog
Now that I'm home and relaxing, I've been really neglecting this blog (though to my defense, I guess it could be said that I've been neglecting all things academic). While I have definitely not been reading articles every day like I initially planned, I have been going through a good amount of poetry and reading bits and pieces of prose, particularly from Winesburg, Ohio, which is definitely one of my favorite books of all time.
I've also officially signed up for classes for this upcoming semester. My first courses in grad school will be:
-A required seminar for my cohort (which, incidentally, is all women!) which will examine the impact that debates in critical and cultural theory have made on the discipline of English literature
-A course on globalization and the early modern period in England, particularly focusing on the first moments of global contact and the ways in which modern global relations have influenced our understanding of the early modern world and vice versa
-A class on Modernism and Orientalism, with a particular emphasis on the work of American poets and the structure of American Orientalism
-(what I'm probably most excited for) A course on the construction and performance of blackness, with a particular section on queerness. Hurrah!
And because I'm probably the only person excited about these classes, I'll close this entry with my favorite poem right now (definitely something that everyone can enjoy):
Edward's Anecdote
-Donald Hall
Late one night she told me.
We'd come home from a party
where she drank more wine
than usual, from nervousness
I suppose. I was astonished,
which is typical,
and her lover of course
was my friend. My naivete
served their purposes: what
you don't know beats your head in.
After weeping for an hour or so
I tried screaming.
Then I quieted down;
then I broke her grandmother's
teapot against the pantry brickwork,
which helped a bit.
She kept apologizing
as she walked back and forth,
chainsmoking. I hated her,
and thought how beautiful
she looked as she paced,
which started me weeping again.
Old puzzlements began to solve
themselves: the errand
that took all afternoon;
the much-explained excursion
to stay with a college roommate
at a hunting lodge
without a telephone;
and of course the wrong numbers.
then my masochistic mind
printed kodacolors
of my friend and my wife
arranged in bed together.
When I looked out the window,
I saw the sky going
pale with dawn; soon the children
would wake: thinking of them
started me weeping again.
I felt exhausted, and
I wanted to sleep neither
with her nor without her,
which made me remember:
when i was a child we knew
a neighbor named Mr. Jaspers-
an ordinary
gray and agreeable
middle-aged businessman who
joked with the neighborhood
children when he met us on
the street, giving us pennies,
except for once a year
when he got insanely drunk
and the police took him.
One time he beat his year-old
daughter with a broomstick,
breaking a rib bone, and as
she screamed she kept crawling
back to her father: where else
should she look for comfort?
I've also officially signed up for classes for this upcoming semester. My first courses in grad school will be:
-A required seminar for my cohort (which, incidentally, is all women!) which will examine the impact that debates in critical and cultural theory have made on the discipline of English literature
-A course on globalization and the early modern period in England, particularly focusing on the first moments of global contact and the ways in which modern global relations have influenced our understanding of the early modern world and vice versa
-A class on Modernism and Orientalism, with a particular emphasis on the work of American poets and the structure of American Orientalism
-(what I'm probably most excited for) A course on the construction and performance of blackness, with a particular section on queerness. Hurrah!
And because I'm probably the only person excited about these classes, I'll close this entry with my favorite poem right now (definitely something that everyone can enjoy):
Edward's Anecdote
-Donald Hall
Late one night she told me.
We'd come home from a party
where she drank more wine
than usual, from nervousness
I suppose. I was astonished,
which is typical,
and her lover of course
was my friend. My naivete
served their purposes: what
you don't know beats your head in.
After weeping for an hour or so
I tried screaming.
Then I quieted down;
then I broke her grandmother's
teapot against the pantry brickwork,
which helped a bit.
She kept apologizing
as she walked back and forth,
chainsmoking. I hated her,
and thought how beautiful
she looked as she paced,
which started me weeping again.
Old puzzlements began to solve
themselves: the errand
that took all afternoon;
the much-explained excursion
to stay with a college roommate
at a hunting lodge
without a telephone;
and of course the wrong numbers.
then my masochistic mind
printed kodacolors
of my friend and my wife
arranged in bed together.
When I looked out the window,
I saw the sky going
pale with dawn; soon the children
would wake: thinking of them
started me weeping again.
I felt exhausted, and
I wanted to sleep neither
with her nor without her,
which made me remember:
when i was a child we knew
a neighbor named Mr. Jaspers-
an ordinary
gray and agreeable
middle-aged businessman who
joked with the neighborhood
children when he met us on
the street, giving us pennies,
except for once a year
when he got insanely drunk
and the police took him.
One time he beat his year-old
daughter with a broomstick,
breaking a rib bone, and as
she screamed she kept crawling
back to her father: where else
should she look for comfort?
Monday, June 9, 2008
oy
So I've been meaning to do a lot of academic reading/summary-writing this break to prepare myself for grad school (and to my defense, I downloaded a bunch of really delicious articles that I can't wait to get started on!), but instead I find that I've been rereading my childhood classics. Last night's batch included: A Little Princess, Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, and Ballet Shoes. Tonight: Heidi. It's pretty sick, but I just get so damned happy when I read that stuff, even though now, with a more critical lens in place, I realize that there's quite a few problematic areas in these old favorites. Ah well, I guess I just have to contextualize and forgive.
Speaking of contextualizing and forgiving, I finally saw the Sex and the City movie this afternoon. While I very much enjoyed it (the tv show got me through a rough breakup my freshmen year, so I'll always have a soft spot for the girls), I was also horrified by quite a few moments (especially the incredibly size-ist moment near the end with Samantha ,who, lets not shit ourselves, is totally fine and fit even with her so-called "pooch"). And don't even get me started on Don't Mess with the Zohan, which some of my friends unfortunately dragged me to a couple of days ago. I think my problem is that college has completely sapped me of my sense of "humor" (if that's what you want to call it) and heightened my sensitivity/critical response to certain jokes. Ah well, I suppose it's worth giving up a few cheap laughs if I'm more aware/sensitive to the assumptions/plays of power that are going on beneath the surface of particular "humorous" stereotypes. (Wow, that last statement sounded horribly elitist/pretentious. Forgive me as I stroke my beard sagaciously.)
Moving on, my days have mainly been filled with trying to relax and de-stress. I have started calling up some old friends to hang out (which I generally find stressful because I only go home twice a year, and generally for short periods of time, so there's a lot of people to see). We'll see how it goes. It's strange, most of us graduated this year, and so many people that I remember from way back in the day are going to grad school, getting jobs...gasp, growing up! It feels so strange...I still feel like a kid sometimes, like I'm play-acting this whole maturity business when all I want to do is hide in my bed and read Puffin/Apple classics all day. On the upside, though, I have three more weeks at home (where my mother will always make me feel like a kid...hah!) and then I move to my one-bedroom apartment near the university and start living completely by myself for the first time in my life.
...It feels so strange to type that. To even think that. Cue the old Toys R Us theme (I don't wanna grow up!) and the angst. Boohoohoo. Life goes on.
Speaking of contextualizing and forgiving, I finally saw the Sex and the City movie this afternoon. While I very much enjoyed it (the tv show got me through a rough breakup my freshmen year, so I'll always have a soft spot for the girls), I was also horrified by quite a few moments (especially the incredibly size-ist moment near the end with Samantha ,who, lets not shit ourselves, is totally fine and fit even with her so-called "pooch"). And don't even get me started on Don't Mess with the Zohan, which some of my friends unfortunately dragged me to a couple of days ago. I think my problem is that college has completely sapped me of my sense of "humor" (if that's what you want to call it) and heightened my sensitivity/critical response to certain jokes. Ah well, I suppose it's worth giving up a few cheap laughs if I'm more aware/sensitive to the assumptions/plays of power that are going on beneath the surface of particular "humorous" stereotypes. (Wow, that last statement sounded horribly elitist/pretentious. Forgive me as I stroke my beard sagaciously.)
Moving on, my days have mainly been filled with trying to relax and de-stress. I have started calling up some old friends to hang out (which I generally find stressful because I only go home twice a year, and generally for short periods of time, so there's a lot of people to see). We'll see how it goes. It's strange, most of us graduated this year, and so many people that I remember from way back in the day are going to grad school, getting jobs...gasp, growing up! It feels so strange...I still feel like a kid sometimes, like I'm play-acting this whole maturity business when all I want to do is hide in my bed and read Puffin/Apple classics all day. On the upside, though, I have three more weeks at home (where my mother will always make me feel like a kid...hah!) and then I move to my one-bedroom apartment near the university and start living completely by myself for the first time in my life.
...It feels so strange to type that. To even think that. Cue the old Toys R Us theme (I don't wanna grow up!) and the angst. Boohoohoo. Life goes on.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
this past Sunday
I officially finished my undergraduate career. It was strangely anti-climactic, walking across the stage and shaking the hand of the President of the College, but I guess that's how it goes sometimes. There were no tears, no moments of intense nostalgia, but rather, a feeling of relief and the intense desire to go eat sushi (what can I say? My last name is near the end of the alphabet and the speeches dragged on for a bit! Also, it was a rather hot day, and I'm always game for sushi when it gets hot.)
I did, however, get choked up when I moved into my new apartment afterwards. For the first time in my life, I will be living absolutely and completely alone. I'm feeling incredibly apprehensive/nervous about it, but at the same time, I keep getting this sense of excitement for the future. While I don't doubt that it's going to be difficult (and that I will probably go a bit loopy, as I tend to do when there's no one around), I can't imagine that I won't get some good personal growth out of it as well. I guess we'll have to see.
For now, I'm at home in my cozy little Midwestern suburb, shopping away the hours and counting down the days til I move back into my apartment. I don't know that I'll be updating much in the coming weeks, but if I'm feeling productive, I may do some good (academic) reading and post some summaries. Otherwise, know that I'm lounging and enjoying myself thoroughly.
I did, however, get choked up when I moved into my new apartment afterwards. For the first time in my life, I will be living absolutely and completely alone. I'm feeling incredibly apprehensive/nervous about it, but at the same time, I keep getting this sense of excitement for the future. While I don't doubt that it's going to be difficult (and that I will probably go a bit loopy, as I tend to do when there's no one around), I can't imagine that I won't get some good personal growth out of it as well. I guess we'll have to see.
For now, I'm at home in my cozy little Midwestern suburb, shopping away the hours and counting down the days til I move back into my apartment. I don't know that I'll be updating much in the coming weeks, but if I'm feeling productive, I may do some good (academic) reading and post some summaries. Otherwise, know that I'm lounging and enjoying myself thoroughly.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
oh goodness
So I went to the rock/paper/scissors tournament last night and somehow made it to the semifinal match. I lost in the third round, third throw (oh the drama/tension! I chose scissors, he chose rock), but I don't feel too bad about it because: 1) I honestly think rps is mainly chance (though I guess with the top 2 guys there seemed to be some strategy involved) 2) I lost to the eventual champ, who with his win, set the City League (yes, there is apparently a league. And there was an official ref, with official ref-wear) record for most championships in a season.
So it goes.
So it goes.
Monday, May 19, 2008
i'm still alive! promise!
Apologies for neglecting to blog for such a long time. I finally finished all of my academic work last Friday (before then I was camped out in an academic building for four days and nights straight. I have to say, sleeping in my own busted bed has never felt so good!) and since then, I've really just been spending all of my time hanging out with friends, eating at yummy restaurants, and just appreciating the time I have left with them (graduation is June 1 for me).
Last week, my friends and I took a four hour study break and went to a bar to see Benni E. (http://www.myspace.com/bennipanama), Does It Offend You, Yeah? (http://www.myspace.com/doesitoffendyou), and Yo Majesty (http://www.myspace.com/yomajesty4life). Benni E. and Yo Majesty are both queer female hip hop acts (incidentally, I think something's going on with Yo Majesty...there are supposed to be three of them, but only one showed up and talked about difficulties with the group. Perhaps they're on the road to breaking up?) and I have to say that they were pretty fucking amazing. It's always nice to see qpoc holding it down...and there's nothing hotter than an empowered female performer.
The most ridiculous part of the night though was when I realized that one of my future profs at Penn was at the show and was rocking out directly next to me with her girlfriend. It was so funny and surreal (I said hi and gave her a hug) and really reminded me again that profs are people too and not just academic gods with no lives outside of writing theory. For some reason this is still a difficult fact for me to accept. I just want to idolize my profs, dammit!
Tonight I'm going to a paper-scissors-rock tournament (yes, really) and then a bar/club. It should be a pretty chill time, and until then, I plan on wasting my life watching Buffy (I am so unfortunately addicted to this show) and trolling around the internet. Good times!
Last week, my friends and I took a four hour study break and went to a bar to see Benni E. (http://www.myspace.com/bennipanama), Does It Offend You, Yeah? (http://www.myspace.com/doesitoffendyou), and Yo Majesty (http://www.myspace.com/yomajesty4life). Benni E. and Yo Majesty are both queer female hip hop acts (incidentally, I think something's going on with Yo Majesty...there are supposed to be three of them, but only one showed up and talked about difficulties with the group. Perhaps they're on the road to breaking up?) and I have to say that they were pretty fucking amazing. It's always nice to see qpoc holding it down...and there's nothing hotter than an empowered female performer.
The most ridiculous part of the night though was when I realized that one of my future profs at Penn was at the show and was rocking out directly next to me with her girlfriend. It was so funny and surreal (I said hi and gave her a hug) and really reminded me again that profs are people too and not just academic gods with no lives outside of writing theory. For some reason this is still a difficult fact for me to accept. I just want to idolize my profs, dammit!
Tonight I'm going to a paper-scissors-rock tournament (yes, really) and then a bar/club. It should be a pretty chill time, and until then, I plan on wasting my life watching Buffy (I am so unfortunately addicted to this show) and trolling around the internet. Good times!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
quick check in/update
Apologies for my recent lack of posting. While the first draft of the thesis got finished, I'm still working on edits and grappling with final papers and projects while still trying to maintain some semblance of a social life--you know, this whole being a student thing always feels a lot more difficult than it should seem to be. I mean, on face, all it is is getting academic work done and partying. How difficult can it be? (Very, apparently)
Most recently, though, I've been occupied with worrying about a very close friend of mine (lets call her C), who is currently dating someone (E) with an ex who has a tendency to exhibit some really disturbing behavior. Aside from constantly sending E vicious emails about how much she hates and wants to hurt him, she's been similarly harassing C (including signing her up for a lot of weight loss spam mail) and has even tried to justify it by claiming that she only does so because it's the most effective way to hurt E.
In the last week, things have escalated to the point where the ex has stolen and smashed E's property and, completely unprovoked, dumped a coke on him when they happened to run into each other. I'm really starting to worry about E and C's safety, and I'm hoping that they resolve things soon by getting a restraining order. While they have tried in the past (this behavior has gone on this whole semester) to just ignore her, I think it's becoming clear that this is just not enough to make her stop. She's clearly unstable and completely irrational...and at this point, it's much better to be safe than sorry.
In any case, this whole business has made me think a lot about love and expectation and the (dare I say proper?) ways to deal with disappointment. In late December, a relationship that I thought would last for the rest of my life ended and, putting the ridiculousness of that sentiment aside, I was completely devastated. However, since then, I've been so grateful for the time we've had apart. We had been together for two and a half years, and by the end, we became completely different people (in a negative way) because of the relationship. We constantly got into fights (both verbal and physical), and it was really difficult for us to have positive interactions with each other.
We're still regularly speaking, and to be completely honest, we're both committed to getting back together once we've resolved our issues. However, that means working through our issues in civil ways while still continuing on with our lives (instead of planning our lives for each other). I think this has done heaps for both of us, and I'm beginning to believe again that we can end up with each other. That said, he's coming to graduation in about a month, so I'll reserve any more final statements for when I can see how things go when we're actually face to face.
Most recently, though, I've been occupied with worrying about a very close friend of mine (lets call her C), who is currently dating someone (E) with an ex who has a tendency to exhibit some really disturbing behavior. Aside from constantly sending E vicious emails about how much she hates and wants to hurt him, she's been similarly harassing C (including signing her up for a lot of weight loss spam mail) and has even tried to justify it by claiming that she only does so because it's the most effective way to hurt E.
In the last week, things have escalated to the point where the ex has stolen and smashed E's property and, completely unprovoked, dumped a coke on him when they happened to run into each other. I'm really starting to worry about E and C's safety, and I'm hoping that they resolve things soon by getting a restraining order. While they have tried in the past (this behavior has gone on this whole semester) to just ignore her, I think it's becoming clear that this is just not enough to make her stop. She's clearly unstable and completely irrational...and at this point, it's much better to be safe than sorry.
In any case, this whole business has made me think a lot about love and expectation and the (dare I say proper?) ways to deal with disappointment. In late December, a relationship that I thought would last for the rest of my life ended and, putting the ridiculousness of that sentiment aside, I was completely devastated. However, since then, I've been so grateful for the time we've had apart. We had been together for two and a half years, and by the end, we became completely different people (in a negative way) because of the relationship. We constantly got into fights (both verbal and physical), and it was really difficult for us to have positive interactions with each other.
We're still regularly speaking, and to be completely honest, we're both committed to getting back together once we've resolved our issues. However, that means working through our issues in civil ways while still continuing on with our lives (instead of planning our lives for each other). I think this has done heaps for both of us, and I'm beginning to believe again that we can end up with each other. That said, he's coming to graduation in about a month, so I'll reserve any more final statements for when I can see how things go when we're actually face to face.
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