last chances, last dances

I've always been a huge fan of random, potentially awkward personal risks, so I was really gratified last night to receive a facebook message from someone at my school who I have actually never met before. The message was a cute little note about how this person has always admired my personal style/comportment (yeah, what can I say, a little flattery never hurts), and that because the end of the year is fast approaching and an opportunity for a "natural" meeting hasn't come up, we should get together/get to know each other sometime.

Possibly creepy? Absolutely! But I don't tend to interpret things like that. I'd rather think about how awesome and brave it is to message someone you don't know and basically put yourself out there to possibly form a friendship. (Though I guess a full disclaimer would be that I have done such a thing in the past as well. The first person that I dated my freshmen year was a random sophomore that I had an international politics class with but had never spoken to, and the way that got started was that I sent the most hilarious and awkward email EVER.)

In any case, we'll see how the facebook friendship pans out. I sent back quite a long message and an offer to grab a meal sometime. Will I regret this? Possibly, but I really doubt it, even if it ends up going badly. As I said, I'm a huge fan of people who are willing to risk themselves and awkwardness to make a personal connection.

On a similar note, I got another facebook message today about a party that is being thrown this Saturday to celebrate seniors. Apparently the person who is throwing it wants permission to use my name/picture because he's "highlighting" some seniors. I'm pretty apprehensive about this because I haven't talked to this guy since freshmen year, but because it was such an intriguing request, I conditionally gave permission (contingent on him telling me exactly HOW he is using my name/image).

Finally, my oral defense went really, really well today. I'll write about this in more detail tomorrow after I get back from apartment hunting, but the main point is that it should be smooth sailing for me (fingers crossed!) for the rest of the year.

weekend recap!

The little scavenger hunt that I alluded to in the last post ended up being one of the most interesting/entertaining/ridiculous experiences that I've had in my college career. My awesome team ended up placing third (out of 22 registered teams!), and I have to say, I don't know if I'll ever participate in anything as simultaneously challenging and absolutely absurd.

Some of the things that I did:
-Gained employment at a car wash
-"Got freaky" on a mannequin in Macy's
-Researched where to buy a live chicken in my city, as well as contacted the local Humane Society so we could return it afterwards (my teammates carried this out, but I found the information)
-Rickrolled a dean
-Translated an entire chapter of Harry Potter into l33t (such a tragedy, actually, because I misread the task and we were only supposed to translate a paragraph)
-Went co-ed skinny dipping at six in the morning (fucking COLD)
-Slept only 40 minutes the entire 24 hour period and fasted the entire time (it was for points. Stupid, I know, but true)
-Got two people under the age of 18 to read one of the Vagina Monologues for the judges
-Got an 80 year old woman* to do the same

Some of the things my teammates did:
-Naked oil wrestled in front of a huge cheering crowd of people
-Used a dual douche/enema device
-Febreezed the entirety of one of the frats on campus
-Masturbated a la mysterious stranger (when you sit on your hands until they go numb and then masturbate) while crying to "Love Will Tear Us Apart" in the background AND FILMED IT FROM THE WAIST DOWN
-Railed garam masala (apparently this stuff BURNS) off an erect penis
-Gave a blowjob on the lawn of the college's president (as in not the student one, but the one that gets paid tons of money)
-Drank their own piss
-Suckled a cat
-Participated in an actual circle jerk (again, to the approving cheers of a shit ton of people)
-Came on some Tastykakes and then ate their own cum in front of the judges

While some of this stuff may sound horrible and demeaning, in the end, none of us felt like we did anything that we regretted (which is, I think, really important). Also, realize that I'm giving you the most ridiculous highlights (there were other, less shocking tasks, like offering to buy someone a "drank" T-pain style or calling your parents and telling them that you had gotten someone pregnant/were pregnant and sustaining the conversation for ten minutes). In the end, I think this is something I would never do again (obviously), but I am so incredibly happy that I did it once (and did it right!).

The funniest part is that this whole scavenger hunt is centered around 4/20, but no one on my team did a single drug and three of us didn't even get drunk in the entire 24 hour period of the event. When Sunday (the actual 4/20) rolled around, I was back in my favorite academic building, busily working away.

*This actually turned out to be a horrible idea. The woman that we found was pretty awful (though I guess somewhat hilarious if you could prevent yourself from being offended). When she asked me what I studied and I responded with "Sociology/Anthropology, Women's Studies, and English Literature," she asked me how I thought I was going to find a man who was willing to marry me. When I awkwardly tried to laugh and say it would be even harder because I'm going to grad school, she nodded wisely and told me that my marriageability was "going down" (my awesome teammate then tersely told her that "at least her hireability is going up").

Whilst reading the monologue (I had her do the "what my vagina would wear" because it was the least "obscene"), she commented "I suppose this is supposed to be funny," and then informed us that what her vagina would wear would be a penis "because that's what vaginas are made for." Upon seeing our shocked expressions (heterosexism! heterosexism!), she paused for another minute, and then said "Well, they're made for that and I suppose to be a birth canal."

The crowning moment came when we were leaving and she asked me where I was from "originally." When I said China, her response was, "Oh....so that's where you get that accent from." (Realize that I came to the United States when I was two years old, and I most assuredly do NOT have an accent whatsoever). I guess in some ways this woman was rather amusing (she told us that Jews brought civilization to most of the world and that she was quite upset that her son had married a Catholic), but in the end, I really question whether it was worth the whole ordeal just to get the points.

what is wrong with me/oh life

Chelsea Clinton is coming to speak at my campus soon, but I've decided not to go because I had already slated that particular day for shopping. Yes, those are seriously my priorities, and I am not ashamed to say it (plus, I've already seen her father speak, and in any case, I'm more interested in the parents than the daughter).

In less pathetic news, my oral defense for my thesis is scheduled for next Thursday. This is good because I'll have a week to prepare for the hour-long grilling, but is terrifying because I am usually dead in the mornings. We'll see how it goes. I'll definitely write up a more detailed explanation of my thesis and how the defense goes next week.

To bring the ridiculousness level back up again, I'm participating in a crazy scavenger hunt/event known as "crunkfest" this weekend (I mean, it's 4/20! And it's my last year of college. I have to do it up!). Events in previous years have included: a circle jerk, piercing of genitalia, getting Chuck Norris to call the judges, streaking as many on-campus buildings as possible, and getting a rival school's student to shave their pubes. As you can tell, it's going to get really fucking crazy.

My team's name is the ga(y)ze because we all identify as queer, and I think we're pretty ready to go all out since we're all graduating. We just spent three hours tonight working on our team flag (which is actually a huge structure made with a ton of stolen campus goods...SHHHH!), and I'd previously put in four hours cutting a bunch of eyes out of magazines (I know, so clever).

In any case, the opening ceremony for the event is this Friday at 6pm, so I'll basically be MIA from then til Sunday night. Good times!

curioser and curioser

I found out today that I'll be honored with some other students at a dinner next month by the organization that brings together/umbrellas the campus groups for students of color, queer students, and low-income and first generation college students. This is completely shocking to me because I barely do anything on campus (most of my time has been spent doing academic work or being a research assistant, I've been woefully inadequate with my participation in these groups), so I'm wondering if they've made some kind of mistake (or if the clout of one of my favorite professors has somehow enabled me to get this award). Of course, there's always the (strong) possibility that I'll be getting the same award that a friend of mine got last year--which is solely reserved for students of color who don't really do campus groups but focus on academics. We shall see.

In other news, I saw Melissa Li and Kit Yan of the group Good Asian Drivers perform. They were funny and absolutely fabulous, and I would definitely urge you to check out their myspace (which is linked on the website) and to attend their show, if possible. Here's my favorite piece that they did:



As for the ex, the visit went pretty well all things considering, minus some awkwardness when we were at the rugby social. See, socials are basically an excuse to drink (read: get smashed) and socialize after the game, which is a problem when you don't drink and also don't know anyone there. In hindsight, it was probably not the best choice of an activity, but unfortunately, it was also the only thing that was going on at the time. Ah, the perils of attending a small school in the suburbs!

potential drama/awkwardness: hi(gh). so it goes.

The rash that I wrote about in the previous entry ended up making my entire face swell a la animated chipmunk. It was so sexy. I went to the doctor, she told me I have some virus (erythema infectiosum, what?) and there's nothing that she can do to make it better except give me lots of anti-histamines that make me sleepy. Fantastic.

Last night, I braved the world and went to a production of Othello with my Shakespeare and Critical Theory class. It wasn't bad...but I really didn't like how Othello was portrayed (the switch from being dismissive of Iago's points to being jealous and tortured was way too abrupt, and the actor also chose to play up the epileptic fits, which unfortunately ended up being more comical than anything else).

Today, my ex from sophomore year of high school who I've kind of sort of kept in touch with over the years is coming to visit me for the weekend. I'm not sure how this is going to go, seeing as the last time I saw him was sophomore year of college (for a quick dinner), but who knows, stranger things have been thrown my way and ended up okay.

I think the main plans today are to go to a student art opening on campus and just hang out. Tomorrow, we're headed into the city to check out a record store and fancy vegan restaurant, and then coming back for my friend's senior art show. Saturday I'm dragging him to a rugby game (whee! it's been a while for me too), and Saturday night he'll be headed on his bus back to Louisville.

We'll see how it goes. I have faith that things will be great. And if not, at least I'll have a somewhat amusing story to tell.

if it isn't one thing, it's another

So to celebrate finishing my thesis (well, the first draft anyways), my friend Evan and I went on an alcohol and cigarette run yesterday to a nearby state with no sales tax on the stuff. 8 bottles of Andre (I shit you not) and four packs of Nat Shermans later, I realized that I essentially paid less for that haul than I normally do for a single article of clothing. Go figure.

Went to the student café that my friend manages afterwards and did my old, drunk self proud, but without the belligerence that normally accompanies. Unfortunately, I woke up this morning with a horrible rash on my face (wtf?), so I’m thinking that I’m either allergic to cheap alcohol (say it ain’t so!) or I’ve really got to clean my room because something is really messing with my skin.

I’m skipping class out of sheer vanity and crossing my fingers that this stuff goes away by tomorrow. I’m headed over to the student health center soon, so hopefully they’ll let me know what happened and how I can make it better.

In other news, I’m starting to worry about the oral defense of my thesis, which should happen sometime in the next two weeks. I have no clue who my second reader is, and my adviser (being overbooked and just back from maternity leave) hasn’t read anything but my introduction and the postmodernism chapter (this is also my fault because of my procrastination…she didn’t email me to make meetings, and I was totally fine with this because I basically hadn’t done any work). In any case, we’ll see how everything pans out…worst comes to worst, I’ll bomb it and have to make more revisions than initially anticipated. Regardless, I’m safely into grad school, so all that matters is actually graduating.

a more substantive post will follow later, BUT

71 pages without the bells and whistles of a table of contents, acknowledgements, and bibliography, 11 hours of sleep in the last 3 days, way too much pizza, convenience store chicken fingers, and energy drinks, and now, at 9:03 on this lovely Monday morning, I am motherfucking done with my undergraduate thesis.

DONE!

ah to be young (and free)

One of the best things that can happen to you at 3:45 in the morning whilst in the process of cracked-outedly writing your thesis (due Monday!) and chainsmoking: A call from an old friend informing you that ze has just done a line of coke and the ensuing hilarity of that conversation.

One of the best quotes in a night full of gems from others in the same thesis-fucked boat: "I told them that I had to go home and masturbate and they told me to do it in the bathroom, but I was like: 'I'm already sleep deprived. I need to use my sex toys to conserve energy!'"

an hour and a half of my life that i'll never get back

So I just came back from a talk on modesty given by Wendy Shalit, and I'm not sure if I have anything more to say than:

1) It's reassuring to know that you can spin two entire books out of shaky statistics and a methodology that is weaker than the one in my (still unfinished, mind you) senior thesis

2) My opinion of Williams just dropped to the negatives for letting someone who can't even make a logical statement graduate (and I'm not saying this because I disagree with her points. She would literally say something incredibly disputable and trail off with "yeah" or start with "We all know (insert something that no, we don't all know/believe)" and then somehow forget to show the logical route that took her to this conclusion)

3) See title. I think that when I'm on my deathbed, I'm going to be really bitter about this lost time

I mean honestly, I might have appreciated the kernel of what she was saying (we should create a space for women who don't want to be empowered solely through sexuality) except that she took it to this extreme degree where value judgments were being tossed around (she called it "allowing women to have 'higher' standards. Yes, as if women who want to be sexual somehow have 'lower' standards), marriage was the be-all-end-all conclusion (we should save ourselves for the "right person" and a solid marriage is the indicator of a successful life), and feminism was represented as this malignant force that somehow pathologizes women for not wanting to be overtly sexual (I mean for godssakes, which feminists was she reading? The white, middle-class ones preaching sexual liberation in the fucking 60s? Thanks for reducing feminism to ONE PART of the fucking SECOND WAVE!).

It was seriously a shitshow, and I wish there was a nicer way to say it, but there isn't. While Shalit seemed like a friendly and personally engaging (though not on a group level) person, the reality is that her talk was ill-prepared and disorganized, there was nothing intellectually deep (or even intellectual period; I think the talk as it was is better geared towards a middle-school audience) about her points, and honestly, it wasn't even worth going to because there was nothing thought-provoking or stimulating about it. Just an hour and a half of poor logic, awkward analogies, bad statistics, and overblown and oftentimes offensive conclusions.