oy

So I've been meaning to do a lot of academic reading/summary-writing this break to prepare myself for grad school (and to my defense, I downloaded a bunch of really delicious articles that I can't wait to get started on!), but instead I find that I've been rereading my childhood classics. Last night's batch included: A Little Princess, Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, and Ballet Shoes. Tonight: Heidi. It's pretty sick, but I just get so damned happy when I read that stuff, even though now, with a more critical lens in place, I realize that there's quite a few problematic areas in these old favorites. Ah well, I guess I just have to contextualize and forgive.

Speaking of contextualizing and forgiving, I finally saw the Sex and the City movie this afternoon. While I very much enjoyed it (the tv show got me through a rough breakup my freshmen year, so I'll always have a soft spot for the girls), I was also horrified by quite a few moments (especially the incredibly size-ist moment near the end with Samantha ,who, lets not shit ourselves, is totally fine and fit even with her so-called "pooch"). And don't even get me started on Don't Mess with the Zohan, which some of my friends unfortunately dragged me to a couple of days ago. I think my problem is that college has completely sapped me of my sense of "humor" (if that's what you want to call it) and heightened my sensitivity/critical response to certain jokes. Ah well, I suppose it's worth giving up a few cheap laughs if I'm more aware/sensitive to the assumptions/plays of power that are going on beneath the surface of particular "humorous" stereotypes. (Wow, that last statement sounded horribly elitist/pretentious. Forgive me as I stroke my beard sagaciously.)

Moving on, my days have mainly been filled with trying to relax and de-stress. I have started calling up some old friends to hang out (which I generally find stressful because I only go home twice a year, and generally for short periods of time, so there's a lot of people to see). We'll see how it goes. It's strange, most of us graduated this year, and so many people that I remember from way back in the day are going to grad school, getting jobs...gasp, growing up! It feels so strange...I still feel like a kid sometimes, like I'm play-acting this whole maturity business when all I want to do is hide in my bed and read Puffin/Apple classics all day. On the upside, though, I have three more weeks at home (where my mother will always make me feel like a kid...hah!) and then I move to my one-bedroom apartment near the university and start living completely by myself for the first time in my life.

...It feels so strange to type that. To even think that. Cue the old Toys R Us theme (I don't wanna grow up!) and the angst. Boohoohoo. Life goes on.

this past Sunday

I officially finished my undergraduate career. It was strangely anti-climactic, walking across the stage and shaking the hand of the President of the College, but I guess that's how it goes sometimes. There were no tears, no moments of intense nostalgia, but rather, a feeling of relief and the intense desire to go eat sushi (what can I say? My last name is near the end of the alphabet and the speeches dragged on for a bit! Also, it was a rather hot day, and I'm always game for sushi when it gets hot.)

I did, however, get choked up when I moved into my new apartment afterwards. For the first time in my life, I will be living absolutely and completely alone. I'm feeling incredibly apprehensive/nervous about it, but at the same time, I keep getting this sense of excitement for the future. While I don't doubt that it's going to be difficult (and that I will probably go a bit loopy, as I tend to do when there's no one around), I can't imagine that I won't get some good personal growth out of it as well. I guess we'll have to see.

For now, I'm at home in my cozy little Midwestern suburb, shopping away the hours and counting down the days til I move back into my apartment. I don't know that I'll be updating much in the coming weeks, but if I'm feeling productive, I may do some good (academic) reading and post some summaries. Otherwise, know that I'm lounging and enjoying myself thoroughly.

oh goodness

So I went to the rock/paper/scissors tournament last night and somehow made it to the semifinal match. I lost in the third round, third throw (oh the drama/tension! I chose scissors, he chose rock), but I don't feel too bad about it because: 1) I honestly think rps is mainly chance (though I guess with the top 2 guys there seemed to be some strategy involved) 2) I lost to the eventual champ, who with his win, set the City League (yes, there is apparently a league. And there was an official ref, with official ref-wear) record for most championships in a season.

So it goes.

i'm still alive! promise!

Apologies for neglecting to blog for such a long time. I finally finished all of my academic work last Friday (before then I was camped out in an academic building for four days and nights straight. I have to say, sleeping in my own busted bed has never felt so good!) and since then, I've really just been spending all of my time hanging out with friends, eating at yummy restaurants, and just appreciating the time I have left with them (graduation is June 1 for me).

Last week, my friends and I took a four hour study break and went to a bar to see Benni E. (http://www.myspace.com/bennipanama), Does It Offend You, Yeah? (http://www.myspace.com/doesitoffendyou), and Yo Majesty (http://www.myspace.com/yomajesty4life). Benni E. and Yo Majesty are both queer female hip hop acts (incidentally, I think something's going on with Yo Majesty...there are supposed to be three of them, but only one showed up and talked about difficulties with the group. Perhaps they're on the road to breaking up?) and I have to say that they were pretty fucking amazing. It's always nice to see qpoc holding it down...and there's nothing hotter than an empowered female performer.

The most ridiculous part of the night though was when I realized that one of my future profs at Penn was at the show and was rocking out directly next to me with her girlfriend. It was so funny and surreal (I said hi and gave her a hug) and really reminded me again that profs are people too and not just academic gods with no lives outside of writing theory. For some reason this is still a difficult fact for me to accept. I just want to idolize my profs, dammit!

Tonight I'm going to a paper-scissors-rock tournament (yes, really) and then a bar/club. It should be a pretty chill time, and until then, I plan on wasting my life watching Buffy (I am so unfortunately addicted to this show) and trolling around the internet. Good times!

quick check in/update

Apologies for my recent lack of posting. While the first draft of the thesis got finished, I'm still working on edits and grappling with final papers and projects while still trying to maintain some semblance of a social life--you know, this whole being a student thing always feels a lot more difficult than it should seem to be. I mean, on face, all it is is getting academic work done and partying. How difficult can it be? (Very, apparently)

Most recently, though, I've been occupied with worrying about a very close friend of mine (lets call her C), who is currently dating someone (E) with an ex who has a tendency to exhibit some really disturbing behavior. Aside from constantly sending E vicious emails about how much she hates and wants to hurt him, she's been similarly harassing C (including signing her up for a lot of weight loss spam mail) and has even tried to justify it by claiming that she only does so because it's the most effective way to hurt E.

In the last week, things have escalated to the point where the ex has stolen and smashed E's property and, completely unprovoked, dumped a coke on him when they happened to run into each other. I'm really starting to worry about E and C's safety, and I'm hoping that they resolve things soon by getting a restraining order. While they have tried in the past (this behavior has gone on this whole semester) to just ignore her, I think it's becoming clear that this is just not enough to make her stop. She's clearly unstable and completely irrational...and at this point, it's much better to be safe than sorry.

In any case, this whole business has made me think a lot about love and expectation and the (dare I say proper?) ways to deal with disappointment. In late December, a relationship that I thought would last for the rest of my life ended and, putting the ridiculousness of that sentiment aside, I was completely devastated. However, since then, I've been so grateful for the time we've had apart. We had been together for two and a half years, and by the end, we became completely different people (in a negative way) because of the relationship. We constantly got into fights (both verbal and physical), and it was really difficult for us to have positive interactions with each other.

We're still regularly speaking, and to be completely honest, we're both committed to getting back together once we've resolved our issues. However, that means working through our issues in civil ways while still continuing on with our lives (instead of planning our lives for each other). I think this has done heaps for both of us, and I'm beginning to believe again that we can end up with each other. That said, he's coming to graduation in about a month, so I'll reserve any more final statements for when I can see how things go when we're actually face to face.

last chances, last dances

I've always been a huge fan of random, potentially awkward personal risks, so I was really gratified last night to receive a facebook message from someone at my school who I have actually never met before. The message was a cute little note about how this person has always admired my personal style/comportment (yeah, what can I say, a little flattery never hurts), and that because the end of the year is fast approaching and an opportunity for a "natural" meeting hasn't come up, we should get together/get to know each other sometime.

Possibly creepy? Absolutely! But I don't tend to interpret things like that. I'd rather think about how awesome and brave it is to message someone you don't know and basically put yourself out there to possibly form a friendship. (Though I guess a full disclaimer would be that I have done such a thing in the past as well. The first person that I dated my freshmen year was a random sophomore that I had an international politics class with but had never spoken to, and the way that got started was that I sent the most hilarious and awkward email EVER.)

In any case, we'll see how the facebook friendship pans out. I sent back quite a long message and an offer to grab a meal sometime. Will I regret this? Possibly, but I really doubt it, even if it ends up going badly. As I said, I'm a huge fan of people who are willing to risk themselves and awkwardness to make a personal connection.

On a similar note, I got another facebook message today about a party that is being thrown this Saturday to celebrate seniors. Apparently the person who is throwing it wants permission to use my name/picture because he's "highlighting" some seniors. I'm pretty apprehensive about this because I haven't talked to this guy since freshmen year, but because it was such an intriguing request, I conditionally gave permission (contingent on him telling me exactly HOW he is using my name/image).

Finally, my oral defense went really, really well today. I'll write about this in more detail tomorrow after I get back from apartment hunting, but the main point is that it should be smooth sailing for me (fingers crossed!) for the rest of the year.

weekend recap!

The little scavenger hunt that I alluded to in the last post ended up being one of the most interesting/entertaining/ridiculous experiences that I've had in my college career. My awesome team ended up placing third (out of 22 registered teams!), and I have to say, I don't know if I'll ever participate in anything as simultaneously challenging and absolutely absurd.

Some of the things that I did:
-Gained employment at a car wash
-"Got freaky" on a mannequin in Macy's
-Researched where to buy a live chicken in my city, as well as contacted the local Humane Society so we could return it afterwards (my teammates carried this out, but I found the information)
-Rickrolled a dean
-Translated an entire chapter of Harry Potter into l33t (such a tragedy, actually, because I misread the task and we were only supposed to translate a paragraph)
-Went co-ed skinny dipping at six in the morning (fucking COLD)
-Slept only 40 minutes the entire 24 hour period and fasted the entire time (it was for points. Stupid, I know, but true)
-Got two people under the age of 18 to read one of the Vagina Monologues for the judges
-Got an 80 year old woman* to do the same

Some of the things my teammates did:
-Naked oil wrestled in front of a huge cheering crowd of people
-Used a dual douche/enema device
-Febreezed the entirety of one of the frats on campus
-Masturbated a la mysterious stranger (when you sit on your hands until they go numb and then masturbate) while crying to "Love Will Tear Us Apart" in the background AND FILMED IT FROM THE WAIST DOWN
-Railed garam masala (apparently this stuff BURNS) off an erect penis
-Gave a blowjob on the lawn of the college's president (as in not the student one, but the one that gets paid tons of money)
-Drank their own piss
-Suckled a cat
-Participated in an actual circle jerk (again, to the approving cheers of a shit ton of people)
-Came on some Tastykakes and then ate their own cum in front of the judges

While some of this stuff may sound horrible and demeaning, in the end, none of us felt like we did anything that we regretted (which is, I think, really important). Also, realize that I'm giving you the most ridiculous highlights (there were other, less shocking tasks, like offering to buy someone a "drank" T-pain style or calling your parents and telling them that you had gotten someone pregnant/were pregnant and sustaining the conversation for ten minutes). In the end, I think this is something I would never do again (obviously), but I am so incredibly happy that I did it once (and did it right!).

The funniest part is that this whole scavenger hunt is centered around 4/20, but no one on my team did a single drug and three of us didn't even get drunk in the entire 24 hour period of the event. When Sunday (the actual 4/20) rolled around, I was back in my favorite academic building, busily working away.

*This actually turned out to be a horrible idea. The woman that we found was pretty awful (though I guess somewhat hilarious if you could prevent yourself from being offended). When she asked me what I studied and I responded with "Sociology/Anthropology, Women's Studies, and English Literature," she asked me how I thought I was going to find a man who was willing to marry me. When I awkwardly tried to laugh and say it would be even harder because I'm going to grad school, she nodded wisely and told me that my marriageability was "going down" (my awesome teammate then tersely told her that "at least her hireability is going up").

Whilst reading the monologue (I had her do the "what my vagina would wear" because it was the least "obscene"), she commented "I suppose this is supposed to be funny," and then informed us that what her vagina would wear would be a penis "because that's what vaginas are made for." Upon seeing our shocked expressions (heterosexism! heterosexism!), she paused for another minute, and then said "Well, they're made for that and I suppose to be a birth canal."

The crowning moment came when we were leaving and she asked me where I was from "originally." When I said China, her response was, "Oh....so that's where you get that accent from." (Realize that I came to the United States when I was two years old, and I most assuredly do NOT have an accent whatsoever). I guess in some ways this woman was rather amusing (she told us that Jews brought civilization to most of the world and that she was quite upset that her son had married a Catholic), but in the end, I really question whether it was worth the whole ordeal just to get the points.